下面是小编帮大家整理的中考英语写作精彩点评与修改（共含7篇），欢迎阅读，希望大家能够喜欢。同时，但愿您也能像本文投稿人“夭夭玲”一样，积极向本站投稿分享好文章。
【原创】刘晓伟老师—中考英语写作精彩点评与修改（一）
XX中考大战迫在眉睫，很多学生和家长都希望在剩下的两个多月里争取在英语有所突破，我本人在周日下午的课最多也只能向20多人学生面授中考写作课程，为了能让更多的学生和家长受益，我把利用课余时间帮助学生修改的作文全部登出来，每篇文章都附有点评和原文修改。希望大家能避免一些常见的错误，多使用一些地道的短语和句式，为自己的中考之路添加更多的信心和实力。
作文题目：
五晚你父母都出去了，只有爷爷和你在家，你在客厅里看电视而爷爷在他屋里看报纸。突然你听到爷爷屋里有什么动静，当你推开房门，惊讶地发现爷爷正躺在地上，失去了知觉。于是你立即拨打了120。然后让爷爷平躺，打开了窗户。就在这时医生来了。一位医生说你做的对，救了爷爷的命。请根据提示以“An Unforgettable Night”为题，写一篇80字左右的短文。
作文修改如下：
先表扬一下：内容都写到位了，关键在于组织。
急需改进的地方：
1. 正确的语法结构。
2. 几个简单合并成复杂句
3 前后句子的连贯性。
4 一定要分段。
I have an unforgettable night on last Friday. Because I saved my grandpa’s life. (I had an unforgettable night last Friday because I saved my grandpa's life.)
Last Friday, my parents were not at home, and I watched TV in living room. My grandpa was watch newspaper in his room. (将几个简单句合并更好一些，可以写成：My parents were not in on the very night. I was watching TV in the living room while my grandpa was reading newspaper in his bedroom.)When I walked in his room, I find he had lost consciousness. (最好用双宾语结构：find sb doing sth. 可以写成：When I walked into his room, I found him lying on the ground and lost his consciousness.) So I immediately called 120, put he lay and opened the window. (不成句子，是个硬伤。可以写成：Without hesitation, after putting him on the bed and opening the window, I immediately called 120.) In this time, doctor came. A doctor said I had a good job, and I saved my grandpa’s life. (将几个简单句合并更好一些，可以写成：At last, the doctor arrived, who told me that I had done a good job of saving my grandpa's life.)
What an unforgettable Friday!!
(What an unforgettable night!)
恭喜你能坚持写完，并能看完这篇被我修改的文章。这样的人不多，你是这个班第二个这么做的，所以我要对你说：你很棒！能想象你以后很牛很牛的的样子。继续努力！
中考英语写作精彩句子汇总
一.Nothing is + er than to + V
Nothing is + more + 形容词 + than to + V
例句：Nothing is more important than to receive education。
没有比接受教育更重要的事。
Nothing is more important than to potect our environment。
没有什么比环保更重要的事。
Nothing is more important than to gain knowledge。
没有什么比学习知识更重要的事。
二.the + est + 名词 +(that)+ 主词 + have ever + seen (known/heard/had/read, etc) ~~~ the most + 形容词 + 名词 +(that)+ 主词 + have ever + seen(known/heard/had/read, etc)
Helen is the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen。
海伦是我所看过最美丽的女孩。
Mr. Chang is the kindest teacher that I have ever had。
张老师是我曾经遇到最仁慈的教师。
Yao Ming is the tallest basketball player that I have ever seen。
姚明是我所见过的最高的篮球运动员
Liu Xiang is the most hardworking sportsman that I have ever seen。
刘翔是我所见过的最勤奋的运动员。
三.cannot emphasize the importance of ~~~ too much。
(再怎么强调.。。的重要性也不为过。)
例句：We cannot emphasize the importance of protecting our eyes too much。
我们再怎么强调保护眼睛的重要性也不为过。
We cannot emphasize the importance of education。
我们再怎么强调教育的重要性也不为过。
四.There is no denying that + S + V .。。(不可否认的……)
例句：There is no denying that the qualities of our living have gone from bad to worse。
不可否认的，我们的生活品质已经每况愈下。
There is no denying that Lin Zhiling is the most charming actress I have ever seen。
不可否认，林志玲是我所见过的最有魅力的女演员。
五.It is universally acknowledged that + 句子~~ (全世界都知道……)
例句：It is universally acknowledged that trees are indispensable to us。
全世界都知道树木对我们是不可或缺的。
六.There is no doubt that + 句子~~ (毫无疑问的……)
例句：There is no doubt that our educational system leaves something to be desired。
毫无疑问的我们的教育制度令人不满意。
七.An advantage of is that + 句子(……的优点是……)
例句：An advantage of using the solar energy is that it won't create
(produce) any pollution。
使用太阳能的优点是它不会制造任何污染。
An advantage of taking exercises is that it can make us keep healthy。
锻炼身体的优点是它可以让我们保持健康。
八.The reason why + 句子is that + 句子(……的原因是……)
例句：The reason why we have to grow trees is that they can provide
us with fresh air。
我们必须种树的原因是它们能供应我们新鲜的空气。
九.So + 形容词 + be + 主词 + that + 句子(如此……以致于……)
例句：So precious is time that we can't afford to waste it。
时间是如此珍贵，它经不起我们浪费。
So beautiful is Xi Shi that we all like her。
西施是如此美丽，以致于我们都喜欢她。
十.Adj + as + Subject(主词)+ be, S + V (虽然……)
例句：Rich as our country is, the qualities of our living are by no
means satisfactory。
{by no means = in no way = on no account 一点也不}
虽然我们的国家富有，我们的生活品质绝对令人不满意。
十一.The + ~er + S + V, ~~~ the + ~er + S + V
The + more + Adj + S + V, ~~~ the + more + Adj + S + V
(愈……愈……)
例句：The harder you work, the more progress you make。
你愈努力，你愈进步。
The more books we read, the more learned we become。
我们书读愈多，我们愈有学问。
十二.By +Ving, can (借着……，……能够……)
例句：By taking exercise, we can always stay healthy。
借着做运动，我们能够始终保持健康。
By reading, we can broaden our horizon。
通过阅读，我们可以扩大视野。
十三. enable + Object(受词)+ to + V (……使……能够……)
例句：Listening to music enable us to feel relaxed。
听音乐使我们能够感觉轻松。
Travelling enable our life to be enriched,
旅行能丰富人们的生活。
Watching movies enable our horizon to be broadened。
看电影能开阔视野。
十四.On no account can we + V ~~~ (我们绝对不能……)
例句：On no account can we ignore the value of knowledge。
我们绝对不能忽略知识的价值。
On no account can we ignore the importance of education。
我们绝对不能忽略教育的重要性。
十五.It is time + S + 过去式 (该是……的时候了)
例句：It is time the authorities concerned took proper steps to solve
the traffic problems。
该是有关当局采取适当的措施来解决交通问题的时候了。
十六.Those who ~~~ (……的人……)
例句：Those who break the law should be punished。
违法的人应该受处罚。
十七.There is no one but ~~~ (没有人不……)
例句：There is no one but longs to go to college。
没有人不渴望上大学。
There is no one but longs to be a millionaire。
没有人不渴望成为百万富翁。
十八.be + forced/compelled/obliged + to + V (不得不……)
例句：Since the examination is around the corner, I am compelled to give up doing sports。
由于考试迫在眉睫，我不得不放弃做运动。
十九.It is conceivable that + 句子 (可想而知的)
It is obvious that + 句子 (明显的)
It is apparent that + 句子 (显然的)
例句：It is conceivable that knowledge plays an important role in our life。
可想而知，知识在我们的一生中扮演一个重要的'角色。
二十.That is the reason why ~~~ (那就是……的原因)
例句：Summer is hot.That is the reason why I don't like it。
夏天很炎热。那就是我不喜欢它的原因。
Winter is cold. That is the reason why I don't like it。
冬天很冷。那就是我不喜欢它的原因。
二十一.For the past + 时间，S + 现在完成式.。。(过去……年来，……一直……)
例句：For the past two years, I have been busy preparing for the examination。
过去两年来，我一直忙着准备考试。
二十二.Since + S + 过去式，S + 现在完成式。
例句：Since he went to senior high school, he has worked very hard。
自从他上高中，他一直很用功。
二十三.It pays to + V (……是值得的。)
例句：It pays to help others。
帮助别人是值得的。
二十四、.be based on (以……为基础)
例句：The progress of the society is based on harmony。
社会的进步是以和谐为基础的。
二十五.Spare no effort to + V (不遗余力的)
We should spare no effort to beautify our environment。
我们应该不遗余力的美化我们的环境。
二十六.bring home to + 人 + 事 (让……明白……事)
例句：We should bring home to people the value of working hard。
我们应该让人们明白努力的价值。
二十七.be closely related to (与……息息相关)
例句：Taking exercise is closely related to health。
做运动与健康息息相关。
二十八.Get into the habit of + Ving
= make it a rule to + V (养成……的习惯)
We should get into the habit of previewing and reviewing。
我们应该养成预习和复习的习惯。
二十九.Due to/Owing to/Thanks to + N/Ving, (因为……)
例句：Thanks to his encouragement, I finally realized my dream。
因为他的鼓励，我终于实现我的梦想。
Thanks to Miss Qin's help, I passed the examination。
多亏秦老师的帮助，我通过了考试。
三十.What a + Adj + N + S + V!= How + Adj + a + N + V!(多么……!)
例句：What an important thing it is to keep our promise!
How important a thing is to keep our promise!
遵守诺言是多么重要的事!
What an important thing it is to be honest!
How important a thing is to be honest!
诚实是多么重要的事!
三十一.Have a great influence on ~~ (对……有很大的影响)
例句：Smoking has a great influence on our health。
抽烟对我们的健康有很大的影响。
三十二.do good to (对.。。有益)，do harm to (对……有害)
例句：Reading does good to our mind。读书对心灵有益。
Overwork does harm to health。工作过度对健康有害。
三十三.Pose a great threat to (对……造成一大威胁)
例句：Pollution poses a great threat to our existence。
污染对我们的生存造成一大威胁。
Noise poses a great threat to our living。
噪音对我们的生活造成一大威胁。
三十四.do one's utmost to + V = do one's best (尽全力去……)
例句：We should do our utmost to achieve our goal in life。
我们应尽全力去达成我们的人生目标。
We should do our utmost to help others。
我们应尽全力帮助别人。
三十五.Among various kinds of …，…
= Of all the …， … 在各种…之中?…
例句：Among various kinds of sports, I like jogging in particular。
在各种运动中我尤其喜欢慢跑。
三十六. In my opinion， …
= To my mind， …
= As far as I am concerned， …
= I am of the opinion that子句 就我的看法…;我认为…
例句：In my opinion, playing copmuter games not only takes much time but also is harmful to health。
就我的看法玩电脑游戏既花费时间也有害健康。
三十七. Of all the people I know， perhaps non deserves my respect more than …在我认识的人当中也许没有一个人比…更值得我尊敬。
例句： Of all the people I know， perhaps non deserves my respect more than Miss Wang, my English teacher。
在我认识的人当中也许没有一个人比我的英文老师王老师更值得我尊敬。
三十八. 据说… It is said (that)子句
一般认为… It is thought (that)子句
大家都知道… It is known (that)子句
据报导… It is reported (that)子句
一般预料… It is expected (that)子句
据估计… It is estimated (that)子句
一般相信… It is believed (that)子句
例句： It's known that Hangzhou is a beautiful city。
众所周知杭州是座美丽的城市。
The bar chart above demonstrates clearly and logically that some obvious changes have taken place in terms of different car brands in China's market. In accordance to the figures in the diagram, one can observe that the percentage of Chinese cars has witnessed an evident rise ,while the percentage of Janpanese cars has been on a considerable drop. Sprecifically speaking ,the percentage of Chinese cars increased from 25percent in to almost 35 percent in .
Such tendency mirrored by the graph can be attributed to a number of factors, but the following two may carry more conviention. One factor is that the economy has developed rapidly in recent years, and therefore there would be more money avaliable for cars. Another factor is that the evolution in the field of Chinese science and techology directly contributes to such phenomenon reflected by the graph.
Take what has been analyed into consideratiPn, we may saftely draw a conclusion: the current trend is positive and therefore acceptable. And I am firmly certain that this trend will continve in the years to come.
点评：
整篇文章179词，符合考研英语二大作文的写作要求。一般来说，比题目要求的多出20词左右的作文是最佳的，最好不要刚好压着题目要求的最低字数。而且，这位同学在句子的开头空出了四个字符也很好，这一点和中文中的空出两个汉字有所区别。但是，这篇作文也不可避免的存在一些问题：
⑴单词拼写问题
第一段第四行Sprecifically应为specifically; 第三段第一句中analyed应为analyzed, consideratiPn 应该是consideration.
⑵语法问题
①may carry more conviention表达不准确，应该改成may carry more attention;
②Take what has been analyed into consideratiPn,这句话有问题，这个句子中有两个动词Take和has been analyed, has been analyed在what引导的从句中，只能是what从句的谓语动词，那take应该是句子的谓语动词吧，可是句子没有主语，再往后看我们会发现“we may saftely draw a conclusion”主谓宾齐全，是个结构完整的句子，这样一来前面就只是分词作状语了，表示主动，那就应该用现在分词Taking.所以这句话就可以改成：
Taking what has been analyzed into account, we may saftely draw a conclusion that the current trend is positive and therefore acceptable.
③可能有许多同学会觉得第二段的理由阐述部分自己分析的不是很对，写的不太好，文都英语老师告诉大家，其实没关系。因为，对于同一问题，不同的人肯定“仁者见仁，智者见智”，只要能够自圆其说、令人信服就可以了;
④总的来说，这篇文章写的还行。如果能够把第一段少写点，中间论述充分点，最好能做到“两头小，中间大”，那就更好了。
作文和其他部分不同，只有多写多练才能找到问题所在。文都英语老师希望小伙伴们平时多多训练，相信有志者最终能够梦想成真!
最新中考作文与点评
【中考原题呈现】
色彩，演绎亮丽的阳光，点缀明媚的自然;色彩，装饰美好的生活，扮靓诗意的人生;色彩凝聚温馨的记忆，辉映灿烂的历史……那一抹色彩，让你打开心扉;那一抹色彩，让你驻足流连。
请以“有那样一抹色彩”为题，写一篇文章。
要求：⑴立意自定;⑵除诗歌外，文体不限;⑶不少于600字;⑷文中不得出现真实的人名、校名、地名。
【命题思路】
江苏省盐城市20xx年的中考作文题是一道不折不扣的命题作文。前面有写作提示，后面有写作要求。整个作文题中规中矩，尤其是后面的4点写作要求，体现的是一般中考作文的要求，只是把“立意自定”放在第一点，更清楚了表明作文立意可以不受前面“写作提示”限制的意味。那么前面的提示，给我们的写作思路会有怎样的启发呢?
我们不妨字斟句酌的来分析一下“作文提示”：色彩，演绎亮丽的阳光，点缀明媚的自然;色彩，装饰美好的生活，扮靓诗意的人生;色彩凝聚温馨的记忆，辉映灿烂的历史……那一抹色彩，让你打开心扉;那一抹色彩，让你驻足流连。
这则提示以省略号为界，分前后两部分。前面是一组带有诗意的排比句。仔细审视以分号为标志的三个分句，不难看出，第一个分句是说，“这一抹色彩”可以是大自然的色彩，我们可以从广袤的自然里取材，撮取山川大地、次第四季的这一抹色彩，表现大自然的五彩缤纷。第二个分句里“美好的生活”“诗意的人生”指向明确，也就是说，这一抹色彩还可以是生命的色彩和生活的色彩，我们可以从生命和生活里选取某个片段、某个场景，甚至某个细节来诠释生命、生活的诗意与美好。严格的说，第三个分句从内容上说是不可以与前两句构成排比的，但是它却提醒我们，要表现的“这一抹色彩”不仅可以是现实中的，还可以是记忆里的，甚至是拂去历史尘烟后鲜亮起来的那么一抹色彩，这使得题材内容的领域得以拓展，便于考生在考场上的发挥。
省略号前面的内容启发我们思考本文如何立意和选材，它还提示我们本文可以采用“以小见大”的写作方法，在一滴水中折射太阳的光辉，从而见微知萌，见萌知著。而省略号后面的“让你打开心扉”;“让你驻足流连”则是暗示了我们本文的写作基调，从一抹色彩中深受启发，在一抹色彩中真情流露。总之，这是一道充满积极美好情怀、充溢着生命正能量的题目。
弄明白这些，我们该拿起笔来，写出那一抹靓丽的色彩了吧?
范文
有那样一抹色彩
弱水三千，我只取一瓢饮焉。
――题记
我是一只狗，一只年老体衰的狗。
如今的我已至耄耋，看尽世间百态，过往如烟凝在脑海，心中有说不尽的苦辣酸甜。每到那夜深人静的时候，我总爱寻一方无人的净土，任由那往事纷至沓来，让记忆如水般涌上心头。
而此时，我正蜷缩在墙角，看着那漫天飞舞的雪花，一片一片，慢慢地，悄悄地落下。
昔我往矣，杨柳依依，今我来思，雨雪霏霏。
恍惚间，时光仿佛倒流，回到了那杨柳如烟的季节。
那时的我正值壮年，曾经意气风发，却不幸流落街头。我彷徨，我惆怅，温饱成了最大的难题。
我常穿梭于大街小巷，看着来来往往的路人，小心翼翼地祈求着一小块、哪怕是一粒小小的面包屑。
我本以为自己就将这样不辨苦甜地生活下去，直到那日，我遇见了她，那抹淡淡的蓝色……
那日的我正在一棵柳树下默默思索着什么，忽而，一串银铃般的声音传入耳中：“妈妈，看!那儿有一只小狗。它好可怜，我能把它带回家吗?”
我不禁为之一振，循声望去，只见一个可爱的小女孩，她身着淡蓝的风衣，梳着两个羊角辫，手中似还拿着些什么，坐在一辆电动车后向我这儿驶来。
“可是，宝贝儿，你看它多脏，说不定还携带着传染病菌。你若真心爱狗，妈妈带你去宠物店好吗?”
听到这儿，我稍有些失落，不过仍是目不转睛地望着。
“那么，我可以喂它点吃的吗?”那女孩挥舞着手中的面包。
“不行!”
我彻底失望了，可是目光却终不愿从那女孩身上移开。我想待她驶近时，看清她可爱的脸庞。
车渐渐近了，我怔怔地望着那女孩，她也默默地看着我。那水汪汪的大眼睛中透着些灵气，又有如那通灵的蓝宝石，在阳光下熠熠生辉。那眉目间，似有挥之不去的清澈的蓝色，透过那如水般洁净的瞳眸，我似看见一个自己，正在那一汪碧波间，傻傻地露出一丝微笑。
当她路过我身边的时候，她将手中的面包悄悄抛下。我一跃而起，叼住那来之不易的口粮。她看着我，不禁莞尔一笑，随即又转过头去。我站在那棵柳树下，任柳絮拂过我的脊背，望着那淡蓝的身影消失在街巷的尽头。殊不知，一抹淡淡的蓝色已悄然在心底生根、发芽……
或许，是三千年的修炼，才让我换得这抹刻骨的色彩。千种色彩，也终究抵不过那一抹淡蓝。而如今的我愈渐衰老，或许不久将长辞于世。若是可以让生命重来一次，我可以没有花红柳绿，没有金碧辉煌，只要有那样一抹淡淡的蓝色，在那路的尽头，让我驻足流连。
我是一只狗，一只有那样一抹色彩的幸福回忆的狗。
点评：本文从一只狗的视角，回忆了“我”看尽世间百态，历尽苦辣酸甜之后，始终怀念那个曾经给予“我”帮助的小女孩，永远留在记忆里的那一抹淡蓝色。靠船下篙、视角独特。同时将充满爱心的小女孩与来来往往路人对比，引人深思，发人深省。
其次，这个半命题作文横线上需要填写的内容，将是作文要写作的中心。所补文字力求不仅要“准”而且要“新”，所补词语宜“小”不宜“大”，但讲述尽量做到“小中见大”“小中见深”，所补文字若能显示出文学色彩或哲理色彩更好。也就是说要突出个性化，这也是创新思维的一个最基本特征。横线上填写的内容可以是人，可以填写物，当然也可以因一物讲述一段对“我”青春有意义的事情，可以是具体的，也可以是抽象的，但一定要注意填写的内容，文章需要围绕内容展开记述。
最后，对于青春，在人的一生中只有一次，它如鲜花一样美丽、黄金一样珍贵，是理想、信念、奋发向上的精神和无穷创造力所谱写的最美妙的交响乐章，包含着耕耘，探索，拼搏。所以这篇文章的内容应该是积极的、向上的、充满正能量的。
材料作文关键在审题与立意
夏老师说，审题与立意是材料作文的重要环节。审题即对作文试题的审视，包括对材料的主旨，试题文体、字数、立意、标题等方面要求的认知;立意，则是在把握材料基本思想、核心词句的基础上，确立自己文章的观点、看法等。因此，二者虽然有区别，但联系相当密切，有时甚至是同步进行的，很难分开。
“这次所给的材料作文是一则故事，话题不明显，也没有论述性的语句。所以必须认真研读材料，通过故事的人物、情节等，把握材料的主旨，以材料主旨作为构思的切入点。”夏老师建议，可以从“遇到困难，乐观(冷静)面对”;“打破常规，换个角度看问题”;“打破常规，尝试创新”等命题立意。大部分学生应该会推导出“打破常规，换个角度看问题”，因为材料中的“他反复变转角度看那个墨迹”最终画成了飞鸟，墨滴与整幅画完美结合，可以使学生直接推出这个观点。
确定观点之后，选择合适的材料：事实论据或道理论据，条理清晰地论证自己的观点即可，也可采用正反对比论证，使论证更深刻、更透彻。如果在论述时能够由浅入深，层层递进的推理则会加深文章的深度，给人论述严谨，立意深刻的印象。
坚持最美作文修改与点评
坚持使小蜗牛在烈日下爬上大树，坚持使小鸟在暴风雨中学会飞翔，使蜘蛛在大雨过后建起它小而舒适的家【语言幼稚，且无力度。可改为：坚持，使蜗牛在烈日下爬上大树；坚持，使雄鹰在暴风雨中学会飞翔；坚持，使蜘蛛在大雨过后重现建起它小而舒适的家】……是坚持使它们获得成功。所以，坚持了就会获得成功。【一没有由物及人，二“坚持了就会成功”太绝对了。可改为：对我们而言也是一样，只有坚持才会获得成功。】
在初一上学期我学习着小号，还差一级我就考完了。【一不要给自己的努力限定期限，二把小号上升为自己的梦想比考级更有意义。可改为：我一直学习着小号，那是我的梦想，我希望自己有朝一日也可以成为像xx一样伟大的音乐家。目前，能证明我小号水平的是哪一份有一份考级证书，而我还差最后一份证书。】可是我的学习压力越来越大了，我也没有时间去练它了。【语言不美，可改为：可是，升入初二，学习压力越来越大，我只得忍痛放弃了小号。】
一天清晨，我背上书包，带着疲倦双眼，去学校上学【语言不美，且“带着”用词不当，可改为：一天清晨，我背着沉重的书包，睁着茫然而又疲惫的双眼走在去学校的路上。】，心想：昨天老师留的作业太多了，害得我写到了凌晨一点多，真想再睡上一觉。【用“心想”来描写心理活动是初一学生的水准，初三学生应该更成熟一些，可改为：心里不禁抱怨老师作业留得太多，让我天天熬夜到凌晨】突然一阵优美的音乐传入我的耳朵中。我很好奇【用描写不用叙述，可改为：是谁这么好的兴致？】，睁大疲倦的双眼，努力向那个方向看去，【不符合常理，可改为：我循声望去】并没有什么人，我心想；是谁在吹这么好听，应该是从那个房间里吹出来的【不符合常理，可改为：再仔细一听，发现那声音是从大树后的一个房间中传出的。】，我跑过去，站在木箱上往里望，【不符合常理，可改为：于是我蹑手蹑脚地走过去，站在楼后的木箱上往里望，生怕打扰了吹号人。】是一个吹得满头大汗的陌生小男孩儿，目不转睛地看着乐谱，我总感觉好像老手一样熟练。【这是引起作者情感变化的一幕，应该是全文中重点写的部分，描写的力度不够，可改为：令我意外的是，吹号的竟是一个小男孩。他目不转睛地盯着乐谱，手执小号的姿势端正而又优美。初升的太阳打在他的侧脸上，稚嫩中带着老手的成熟与稳重。】是不是他在跟着录音吹呢？我看了一圈，并没有找到，看来是他吹的了，【与主旨无关，可删】我看了一眼手表，突然想起我还有上学，便跑向学校。【由沉醉到现实的转换不好，可改为：我惊讶于他的娴熟，也沉醉在这音乐中。直到屋里刺耳的电话铃声响起，我才猛然惊醒，匆匆赶向学校。】
放学后，我又听到了那首乐曲，我对他不禁很佩服，年纪很大就能吹得这么好，真的是很有天赋。【衔接过渡不自然，且引发作者抒发情感的画面不够鲜明，可改为：晚上放学，我又一次经过那个小区，此时的`小区热闹非凡，那些小孩子们尽情地在小区中跑着、叫着、闹着。一派热情洋溢的气息。是呀，小孩子不是本该如此吗？忽然，在这一片喧闹声中，一缕优扬的声音传来。我心中一动：是他。再次悄悄地来到那扇窗下，果然是那个小男孩儿。听着交织着的喧闹声和乐曲声，我忽然明白了什么。】
一个月，我都是在熟悉的旋律中上学放学，我想，他的坚持不懈使他练出了美妙的乐曲声，他都可以做到，为什么我不能呢，我要是也做到了说不定我就可以考过了。想到这儿，我便下定决心，天天练习小号。【没有突出主旨--坚持和美，可改为：是呀，本该是天真烂漫、尽情玩耍的年龄，他却将大量的时间用在了练习上。或许，正是他的坚持让小小年纪的他能吹出这么美妙的乐曲，让他像老手一样熟练吧！看着他那稚嫩而又成熟的脸庞，我发现竟是那么美。我不禁想到了自己。这么小的孩子都懂得坚持的意义，更何况是比他大许多的我呢？于是，我下定决心，要继续练习小号，要继续考级，要继续追逐我的梦想。】
又是一个月，小号考级来了，我顺利地考过了。【说了不算，做了才算，要交代自己的具体行动，可改为：在其后的日子里，老师的作业依然很多，每天睡眠依然不足。我也曾想过要放弃吹小号，可每当这一念头闪现的时候，我都会想起小男孩儿那稚嫩而又成熟的脸。在他无言的鼓励下，我最终坚持了下来，考过了级，拿到了我应得的证书。】
坚持使我考过了级，拿到了证书，看来只有坚持的花，才能结出成功的果实。坚持的花永远是最美的。【先就事论事，再升华，可改为：接过证书的那一刻，我发现它是那么的美，美得令人心醉。我知道，在这张薄薄的证书背后是沉甸甸的坚持，那是留在我心底的最美的风景。坚持最美。】
点评：小作者在试图构架一个美的故事，但是在叙述过程中事件有诸多不合理的地方。另外，语言不够流畅，需要加强基本功的练习。
点评教师：东学堂初中语文教师王珊
现在很多中学生都喜欢流行歌曲。请你根据下面的调查结果，写一篇80词左右的短文。
kind | reason | |
a few | quiet music | make them feel comfortable |
many | musicians who can write their own lyrics | cool |
most | music that they can dance to | full of energy |
【优秀满分范文】
Nowadays more and more middle school students like pop songs.
A few of them like quiet music because they think quiet music makes them feel comfortable. Many of the students like musicians who can write their own lyrics. Why? They think it’s cool to express their own feelings. Most of the students like music that they can dance to. They think the music is full of energy. When they are tired or bored, they can dance to the music.
中考英语写作范文20篇
(一)
为了交流学习经验，提高学习效率，《中学生英语辅导报》举行了一次以How to be a good learner?为题的征文比赛活动，请写一篇80词左右的短文谈谈你的看法。
【优秀满分范文】
How to be a good learner?
As a good learner, we should have good habits and ways of learning.
We need to get ready for our lessons before class and always listen carefully in class. It’s good to study in groups and help each other. We should do more reading in our free time. If we have some problems, we’d better ask others for help. As a student, working hard is important, but don’t forget to do sports and keep healthy.
I think all these above will be helpful to us.
(二)
亲爱的同学，你的初中学习生活马上就要结束了，请你以“My English Study”为题，谈一下三年以来学习英语的心得体会。
要求：1.要点包括你在英语学习中所遇到的困难、解决的方法以及学习感悟;2.词数80左右。
【优秀满分范文】
My English Study
How time flies! My three-year middle school life will be over soon. Looking back, I have many memories of my English study.
When I entered the middle school, I had so many difficulties with my English. I was not able to understand the teacher in class, and I couldn’t master the words and phrases. For a time I wanted to give it up. Later, with the help of the teacher and my classmates, I listened to the teacher carefully in class, kept on reading English every day and spoke as much as possible. Step by step I made great progress in English.
In a word, only when you develop interest in studying English can you learn it well.
(三)
父亲节马上就要到了，但是有些同学不知道送什么礼物给父亲。请根据下面的提示进行适当扩展，并向同学们提出一些建议。80词左右，开头和结尾以给出(不计入总词数)。
提示：1.如果有足够的零花钱，可以为父亲买一些使用单不贵的东西，如领带等：
2.还可以为父亲做些力所能及的事情(do something that you can do),如为父亲准备一杯茶等他下班后饮用等。
【优秀满分范文】
Father’s Day is coming and you must be thinking of giving a present to your father. Different people like different kinds of gifts.
If you have enough pocket money, you can buy a useful but not expensive thing, like a tie. I think your father will like it. But if you don’t have enough pocket money, you can do something that you can do, for example, you can prepare a cup of tea. When your father comes back from work, he can drink it.
No matter what you do, the most important thing is to make your father happy on Father’s Day. Don’t you think so?
(四)
请根据提示以“The Spring Festival”为题，写一篇不少于80词的英语短文。
提示：1.春节是中国最重要的节日;
2.人们大多回家过年，家庭成员团聚;
3.家人一起吃团年饭、看电视、拜访亲朋好友(friends and relatives);
4.孩子们喜欢春节。
【优秀满分范文】
The Spring Festival
The Spring Festival comes in wenter. It is the most important traditional festival in China.
People usually go home to spend the festival with their family. They have a big family get-together. The Chinese people have big meals and watch TV during the Spring Festival. They also visit their friends and relatives.
Children like the Spring Festival very much because they needn’t go to school and they have a lot of time to play.
(五)
假设Linda是你的好朋友，你们两年没有见面了。上个星期她从国外留学回来，你们很高兴见到彼此。请根据提示，简要介绍Linda的变化。
提示：1.外貌：以前个子矮，短发;现在个子高多了，长发。
2.爱好：以前喜欢打乒乓球、看电视和聊天;现在喜欢弹钢琴、看书和散步。
3.性格：以前外向;现在有些内向。
要求：1.不要逐字翻译，适当发挥;
2.层次清晰，语言流畅;
3.80词左右。
【优秀满分范文】
Linda is my best friend. She has changed o lot in the past two years.
She used to be short and have short hair. However, now she is much taller than before. She has long hair. She used to like playing ping-pong, watching TV and chatting with friends. But she likes playing the piano, reading books and taking a walk now. She used to be outgoing. Now she is a little quite.
I think people sure change as time goes by. Even though she has changed a lot, we will be the best friends all the time.
(六)
背景设定：最近，康敏的加拿大朋友Michael给他发来电子邮件，想了解康明家乡的变化。假如你是康敏，请根据以下提示，给Miachael回一封电子邮件。
过去 | 生活条件差，道路狭窄，车辆少，住不好，吃不饱，联系不便...... |
现在 | 生活条件优越，道路宽，车辆多，住得舒适，手机普及...... |
要求：1.围绕以上内容进行合理表述;
2.所表述的内容必须包含表中的所有方面;
3.词数80词左右，开头语以给出(不计入词数)。
参考词汇：living conditions, narrow, be crowded into, communications(通讯)，telegram, thanks to, rapidly, mobile phone, policy
【优秀满分范文】
Dear Michael,
You want to know sthe changes about my hometown. You know, great changes have taken place since 60 years ago.
In the past, the living conditions were very poor. There were not many buses or cars, and the roads were narrow. Usually, a big family was crowed into a small, dark house. Most families couldn’t get enough food. The communications were simple and slow. People kept in touch with their friends and relatives far away mainly by letter or telegram.
Thanks to the government, our hometown has developed rapidly in recent years. The living conditions are much better and more comfortable. The roads are wide. Some people have their own cars. Most of the people have lived in big new houses. Quite a few adults have mobile phones. Because of many good policies, I think our lives will become better and better.
Sincerely
Kang Min
(七)
随着网络的发展，人们消费观念转变，购物方式也在悄然地发生变化。“网购”成为一种时尚，越来越多的学生也正加入到网购群体中。请你根据以下表格的提示，写一篇网上购物的文章。
优点 | 1. 足不出户；节约时间；避免拥挤、劳累。 2. 价格通常比较便宜。 3. 可供选择的范围广，品种多。 |
缺点 | 1. 只能看到图片，看不到商品本身。 2. 容易购买大量不太需要的东西，造成浪费。 |
注意：1.所表述的内容必须包含表格中的所有方面;
2.80词左右，开头文章已给出，不计入总词数。
参考词汇：网购 shopping online; 避免做某事 avoid doing sth; 商品 goods; 导致 cause
【优秀满分范文】
With the development of the Internet, many people are used to shopping online. It has become a fashion in our daily life. Some of us students also join the group.
Shopping online has many advantages. Just by a click of the mouse, you can buy what you’re interested in without going outdoors. You can avoid getting tired and being trapped in the crowded people and cars and save time. When shopping online, you can choose from more varieties of goods, whose prices are generally lower.
Every coin has two sides. Its disadvantages are obvious, too. On the one hand, it’s very easy for you to buy goods different from the pictures you see on the Internert. On the other hand, shopping online may cause people to buy goods that are not badly needed. That’s a waste of money.
All in all, I love shopping online.
(八)
假如你是李华，今年上初三了，现在的生活和以前大不一样了。请你根据自身的情况写一篇文章介绍一下自己的变化。词数：60-80。
【优秀满分范文】
I am Li Hua. I am in Grade Nine this year. My life has changed a lot in the past few weeks.
I used to get up at seven in the morning. But now I get up at six and read English for half an hour every morning. I used to watch TV and go to bed at 9:30 in the evening. But now I have to keep doing homework until 11:00 in the evening. I used to play tennis in my free time. But now I have to spend all my free time studying.
I really miss my old days.
(九)
某英文报社正就青少年与父母关系这一话题开展题为How to keep a good relationship with parents的征文活动。请你根据以下要点，写一篇英语短文参加此次活动。
要点：1.父母规矩太多，过于强调学习成绩，不理解自己等问题;
2.你对这些问题的看法;
3.你与父母保持良好关系的做法。
【优秀满分范文】
How to keep a good relationship with parents
In my opinion, I have too many rules at home. My parents never allow me to go out with my friends at night. They don’t allow me to choose my own clothes, either. And they pay too much attention to my exam results. I think my parents don’t quite understand me.
However, I try my best to understand them. Although they don’t allow me to make my own decisions and give me too much presure, I know that it is because they really love me and want me to have a bright future.
In order to keep a good relationship with my parents, I study hard and listen to them. I talk with them as friends, and always tell them my troubles. I also help them do some housework.
(十)
今天是母亲节。假定你是李华，请给你的美国笔友John写一封电子邮件，谈谈你将如何与母亲一起度过这个特别的日子。要点如下：
1. 表述你与母亲间的情感;
2. 为母亲制作一张卡片;
3. 帮助母亲做点事;
4. 陪母亲散步等。
注意：1.词数80左右;
2.请不要逐句翻译，可适当发挥;
3.邮件的开头和结尾已为你写好，不计入总词数。
【优秀满分范文】
Dear John,
It’s Mother’s Day today. It’s a special day, isn’t it?
I think we should do something to show our love to our mothers on this special day. My mother and I are good friends. Whenever I meet with difficulties, she is always there, ready to help me.
Today I will make a beautiful card for her, with my thanks and best wishes on it. Then I will help her wash the car this afternoon and cook her favourite food in the evening. Besides, I’ll take a walk with her after dinner and then play chess with her, for she likes it very much. I’m sure she’ll be very happy.
What’s your plan for Mother’s Day? I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours,
Li Hua
(十一)
英语课代表分发试卷的时候发现了一份没有署名的试卷，成绩为满分。请你帮助课代表分析它会时谁的。
要求：1.设想当时的情景，适当扩展细节;
2.书写工整，100词左右。
参考词汇：top student优等生;handwriting笔迹;full marks满分
【优秀满分范文】
we had an exam yesterday and now the papers are being handed out. There’s a paper without a name on it and that student got full marks.
Whom can it belong to? It can’t be a boy’s, because none of them in class can be so good and tidy. The paper must belong to a girl because its handwriting is very tidy. There are only three girls who are good at handwriting — Rose, Mary and Lucy. It might belong to Rose, but I’m not sure because she is not so good at English.
It can’t be Mary’s. Although she is a top student in English, she has already had hers in hand. So it must belong to Lucy. Today she is ill at home and she does well in English, too. Well, it must belong to her.
(十二)
现在很多中学生都喜欢流行歌曲。请你根据下面的调查结果，写一篇80词左右的短文。
kind | reason | |
a few | quiet music | make them feel comfortable |
many | musicians who can write their own lyrics | cool |
most | music that they can dance to | full of energy |
【优秀满分范文】
Nowadays more and more middle school students like pop songs.
A few of them like quiet music because they think quiet music makes them feel comfortable. Many of the students like musicians who can write their own lyrics. Why? They think it’s cool to express their own feelings. Most of the students like music that they can dance to. They think the music is full of energy. When they are tired or bored, they can dance to the music.
(十三)
假如你是郭佳，你的美国笔友Linda给你写了一封信，说她想给自己的汉语老师送一份礼物来表达自己的感激之情，但是她不知道中国的送礼习俗，所以请你给她一些建议。请根据下面的提示，用英语写一封回信给她。
提示：1.要根据个人喜好选择礼物;
2.礼物的包装不要使用白色或者黑色包装纸(wrapping paper);
3.不要送钟、鞋或者梨。
要求：1.语意通顺，条理清楚;
2.80词左右。(信的格式和开头已给出，不计入总词数)
【优秀满分范文】
Dear Linda,
I am glad to give you advice on the customs of giving gifts in my country.
Firstly, I think you need to find out what your Chinese teacher likes. Choosing the gift that your teacher is interested in is a good idea. Secondly, don’t pack the gift with black or white wrapping paper, because black and white aren’t considered to be lucky colors. Thirdly, don’t buy your teacher a clock, a pair of shoes, or some pears because these have bad meanings in Chinese when giving a gift.
I hope my advice can help you.
Yours,
Guo Jia
(十四)
刚到中国来学习不久的John应汉语老师的邀请去他家里做客，因此John 向Bob请教相关礼仪。假设你是Bob,请你给John回一封电子邮件，告诉他一些注意事项。80词左右，开头已给出(不计入总词数)。
【优秀满分范文】
Dear John,
I know that you will visit your Chinese teacher’s home. If you do the following, I don’t think you will feel uncomfortable.
First, you should arrive a little earlier. Being late is impolite. Second, it’s also good to bring a gift such as some flowers or fruit. Third, you will probably use chopsticks to have dinner. Remember not to stick your chopsticks into your food. You’d better say that the food is delicious while you are eating. Finally, after dinner, showing thanks is also necessary. And you are not supposed to stay long after dinner.
Good luck!
Yours,
Bob
(十五)
假设上周六晚上，你们全家在一家饭店就餐。请你根据以下要点提示，用英语写一篇短文，描述事情发生的经过，并适当加以评论。
要点提示：
1. 邻桌年轻人大声说话、吸烟。
2. 你请他们不要那样做。
3. 他们不听，反而嘲笑你。
4. 你认为：①他们在公共场所那样做是不对的。
②年轻人是祖国的未来，应该......
参考词汇：嘲笑laugh at
要求：
1. 词数80左右，短文开头已给出(不计入总词数)。
2. 要点齐全，行为连贯，可适当发挥。
【优秀满分范文】
Last Saturday evening, all my family had dinner in a resturant.
We enjoyed ourselves while we were at table. However, some teenagers sitting beside our table began to talk and laugh loudly. What’s worse, they began to smoke in the restaurant, which made us angry. After a while, I stood up and advised them to stop smoking and behave themselves. To my surprise, they didn’t follow my suggestions. Instead, they laughed at me, saying that I was too young and too naive.
In my opinion, it’s wrong to do that in public. The future of our courtry lies in teenagers, who should not only obey the rules in public but also make contributions to the society.
(十六)
健康对我们来说非常重要，我们可以用很多方法来保持身体健康。请根据下面表格的提示，以“Good Ways to Keep Healthy”为题，写一篇80词左右的短文，倡议“健康生活”，从三个方面说明如何保持健康。短文首句已给出，不计入总词数，可适当发挥。
1 | food | a balanced diet, vegetables, fruit, less meat... |
2 | exercise | do more exercise, take a walk, play ball games... |
3 | happiness | keep happy, make friends, smile... |
【优秀满分范文】
Good Ways to Keep Healthy
It is very important for us to keep healthy. But do you know the ways to keep us healthy?
First, we need to have healthy eating habits, we can eat a lot of vegetables and fresh fruit, but we’d better eat less meat. Different kinds of food are necessary, it’s also important to eat a balanced diet.
Then, playing sports every day can also help us keep fit. We can take walks after dinner, we can walk to school instead of taking a bus, after school we can spend hours playing basketball or soccer with our friends. We should try to do more exercise every day.
Happiness is another way to keep healthy. When we are lonely or unhappy, try to make friends. It is a good way to keep us happy. If you smile often, you also feel happy. So, be happy to be healthy.
(十七)
健康一直是人们关注的问题，我校要举行以“关爱健康”为主题的主题班会，请根据以下内容谈谈你的看法。
1. 保持健康的重要性;
2. 保持健康的方法：多吃水果蔬菜;每天锻炼一小时;早睡早起;勤洗手;
3. 自己的看法(至少一条)。
注意：1.文中不能出现校名和自己的姓名;2.内容可适当扩展。3.字数60-80词;4.文章开头和结尾已给出，但不计入总词数。
【优秀满分范文】
Boys and girls,
It is very important for us students to keep healthy.
There are many ways to be healthy. We’d better eat more fruits and vegetables. Take exercise for at least one hour every day. We need enough sleep and rest so it is important to go to bed early and get up early. Besides, we should wash our hands as often as possible. In my opinion, we mustn't drink wine or smoke .They are bad for our health.
Thank you.
(十八)
近20年来，各方面的调查表明：青少年的体质不断下降。请你以“How to keep healty”为题，写一篇80词左右的短文，说说你的看法和建议。开头已给出，不计入总词数。
主要内容包括：
1. 体质下降的原因。如：eat too much junk food, have too much homework...
2. 合理的健康建议。如：should do more exercise, eat a balanced diet(饮食平衡), enough sleep...
【优秀满分范文】
How to keep healthy
Nowadays students’ physical fitness is declining year by year. I think there are some reasons.
Students have too much homework to do, so they have little time to have sports. Some students eat too much junk food. That’s also bad for their health.
Then, how to keep healthy? Here is some useful advice. First, students should do more exercise. Second, students should eat a balanced diet. They should eat more vegetables and fruits, and try to eat less junk food. Finally, enough sleep is also very important.
(十九)
节约资源，保护环境，从身边的小事做起。作为一名学生，我们应该怎样看待“低碳”生活?请以“My low — carbon life”为题写一篇短文，简述自己对“低碳”生活的理解及看法。80词左右。
提示：1.步行或骑自行车上学;
2.节约用水;
3.不用塑料袋;
4.节约用电;
5.充分使用纸张。
参考词汇：on foot, turn off, recycle, make full use of, plastic bag, tap
【优秀满分范文】
My low-carbon life
Now the human living environment is becoming worse and worse. So a new lifestyle called low-carbon life is spreading to every part of our country. As middle school students, how can we have a low-carbon life?
Firstly, we can go to school on foot or by bike. Secondly, we shouldn’t waste water or electricity. Do remember to turn off the lights when we leave the room and turn off the tap in time after using it. Thirdly, we should use colth bags in our daily life instead of plastic ones. Fourthly, we should also make full use of paper. We’d better recycle some of our textbooks.
It’s important for us to live a low-carbon life to protect the environment.
(二十)
为配合我市“礼仪宜宾(Charm Yibin)”活动的开展，某学校开展以“How to behave well”为主题的英语作文，请你以一名中学生的身份写一篇60-80词的短文参赛。
内容包括：1.守时，不说脏话;2.礼貌待人，热心助人;3.遵守交通规则，不乱扔垃圾;4...
注意：1.文中不能出现校名和自己的姓名;2.内容可适当扩充。
【优秀满分范文】
How to behave well
As a student in Yibin, we should behave well.
First, I think it’s very important to do everything on time and keep promises. Never lie to others or say dirty words. Next we should be polite to others and ready to help people in need. Then we’d better not talk loudly in public. Don’t throw litter or spit about. And remember to obey traffic rules.
Finally, learn to work with others. We need good team work in our life.
★ 四级写作点评
★ 英语特色点评
